News Letter Funnies

McArc Newsletter Funnies - Online

Spring 2010 Since 1997

My 1 day employment

So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter,
a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day...

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud,
unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids,
yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart.
Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7.
Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or stupid?'

So I replied,
'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice.
Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.

Wal-Mart Cake
Make sure you read the story under the picture.
Keep in mind this actually really did happen.

This cake is for someone who was moving from an insurance claims office

Okay so this is how I imagine this conversation went:

Wal-Mart Employee: 'Hello 'dis be Walmarts, how can I hep you?'

Customer: ' I would like to order a cake for a going away party this week.'

Wal-Mart Employee: 'What you want on DA cake?'

Customer: 'Best Wishes Suzanne' and underneath that 'We will miss you'.

STOP LAUGHING!

You can't fix stupid

Not sure how many times this has gone around, might have to add a few years to Grandpa or Grandma's age but not many......

How Old Is Grandpa or Grandma?

Stay with this -- the answer is at the end.

One evening a grandson was talking to his grandfather about current events.
The grandson asked his grandfather what he thought about the shootings at schools,
the computer age, and just things in general.

The Grandfather replied, "Well, let me think a minute,"
I was born before:

       television

       penicillin

       polio shots

       frozen foods

       Xerox

       contact lenses

       Frisbees and

       the pill

There were no:

       credit cards

       laser beams or

       ball-point pens

Man had not invented:

       pantyhose

       air conditioners

       dishwashers

       clothes dryers

       and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and

   man hadn't yet walked on the moon

Your Grandmother and I got married first, . ... . and then lived together.

Every family had a father and a mother.

Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, "Sir".

And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, "Sir."

We were before computer-dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy.

Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment and common sense.

We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions.

Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege.

We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.

Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.

Draft dodgers were those who closed front doors as the evening breeze started.

Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends - not purchasing condominiums.

We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, or yogurt ...

We listened to Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radios.

And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey.

If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan ' on it, it was junk

The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam..

Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of.
We had 5 &10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents.

Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel.

And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.

You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, . .. . but who could afford one?
Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.

   In my day:

       "grass" was mowed,

       "coke" was a cold drink,

   "pot" was something your mother cooked in and

       "rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby.

       " chip" meant a piece of wood,

       "hardware" was found in a hardware store and

   "software" wasn't even a word.

And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby.

No wonder people call us "old and confused" and say there is a generation gap and how old do you think I am?

I bet you have this old man in mind...you are in for a shock!

Read on to see -- pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at the same time.

Are you ready ?????



This person would be only 61 years old.